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The proverb is never literally true, but is whimsically true when you’re dating in high school and becomes less true the older you get and the more you should expect of yourself and others.When you are young, too much about your core self is malleable, and that’s how it should be.It creates butterflies in your belly and light-headedness in your mind.If not understood properly, the one in the longing position can easily believe that she or he is “in love.” If the object of the longing, often called “the beloved”, does reciprocate, “the lover” often runs the other way. Maybe I'm just not the type of person to have butterflies in my stomach every time I see him. This is because we've been conditioned by contemporary culture to expect to feel emotional reactions that are more intense than most people experience. Jacqueline Dear Jacqueline, It isn't always easy to "know" if someone is the right person for you.The following advice is aimed at adults who have been dating for a good decade already.In my opinion, you should do whatever you want with dating in your twenties, within the bounds of treating people with feelings like you would want yourself to be treated, of course.

So what is this immersive experience that we both love and loathe?

Yes, some people experience fireworks and butterflies, but they are signs of infatuation, which is based on "chemistry" rather than on really knowing another person. Sometimes, two people who experience this intensity when they first meet replace that feeling with a true emotional connection.

However, the majority of successful dating couples don't start out this way.

The bottom line is that real intimacy never occurs. It’s temporarily painful but there’s no long-term risk involved.

And it certainly isn’t a healthy model on which to base a marriage!




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